So It Goes

One of the most difficult things about blogging is the transparency involved. I started this blog as a way to reach out to people but to also hold myself accountable. If I'm putting it out there for everyone to read, then I'm going to be more consious of what I'm doing. Right?

So what happens when I completely fall of the wagon like I did last week? I'll tell you what, no blog. Because this blog is all about honesty, how could I blog about my diet and leave out the fact that I was eating all kinds of badness? It's much easier to share my triumphs than it is to share my failures and guilt. However, hiding from it isn't going to make it better. It isn't going to go away.

People fail. No matter their best intentions, they fail. There will always be circumstances outside of our control that can put a serious damper on our goals. My falling off the wagon isn't due to a lack of committment. It's due to a circumstance I didn't have any control over.

As most of you who have read this blog know, I suffer from bipolar disorder. That means I take two different medications to cope with my disease. I've been doing pretty well. My quality of life has improved exponentially on the medication. So imagine the suprise and horror when my hair started falling out. I mean, lots of hair. I run my hand through my hair and it come out in clumps. Fortunately for me, I inherited my dad's super thick Mexican hair which means I don't have bald spots. However, my hair has seriously thinned out. (Ok, thin for me. I still have a lot more hair than many other people.) If they could guarantee that I wouldn't lose anymore hair I'd be happy with what I have. For the first time in my life, my hair is completely managable but I know that's just wishful thinking. My hair is going to keep falling out unless I change my medication.

So, my doc is weaning me off the med. Which isn't fun. At all. I've been cycling like crazy, pun intended, and the depression has been horrible. Remember the black hole in my chest that I mentioned in my youtube video? That has made a very strong reappearance and I spent last week feeding it to the tune of gaining 2 pounds.

The good news is, I got my act together. I realized what was happening. I started back on Atkins Monday and I've lost 5 1/2 pounds. That brings me down to 222.2 lbs. It's been a few years since I've been this small. :)

Being back on the wagon feels good.

So what's the moral of the story? Even when we fail, it doesn't mean that we stop trying. Failure isn't an end. It's only part of the journey. We can't let it keep us down.

I hope this blog finds you well.

Thank you to all of the people who have been giving me such wonderful support.

~Amy

What I Need From You

As some of you know, for the past couple of years, I've been making cakes out of my house. For various reasons, that business has had to go the way of the Vikings, into the mists of history. This is something I find very disappointing since I put a lot of blood, sweat and tears in that business. I love the creativity that I was able to pour into cake decorating. If you've ever seen some of those boutique quality cakes, you know that sugar art is a legitimate art.

I cried when I finally made the decision to let it go. However, in the long run, it's the right thing. With all of the weight I have to lose, having yummy baked goods in the house isn't the best of ideas. I'm a big believer in quality control and I have to sample what I produce before I can pass it on to the customer. A tiny taste isn't going to hurt but I'm not exactly in a place where I can take those small tastes and stop there. I have a friend who makes those previously mentioned boutique quality cakes while losing a substantial amount of weight. I admire her will and fortitude in being able to run a successful cake business while sticking to her guns when it comes to her weightloss. (Nori, you are a goddess.)

So what now? I have all of this creative energy that needs an outlet. Through a series of events, I've finally settled on something that allows the creativity to flow and hopefully allows me to make money. I've begun making hair accessories out of fabric, flowers and the like. I'm also learning how make my own headbands to put those flowers on. I'd eventually like to branch out into scarves, handbags and fabric belts. All to be sold on etsy (violerwhimsy.etsy.com) and eventually in my own online shop and other retail stores. As my mom always told me, if you're going to dream, dream big.

Which leads me to my request. I plan to make many of my products using upcycled material. Upcycling is using previously made clothes and remaking them into something new. It could be into another article of clothing, fabric flowers, totes, quilting pieces, etc. This promotes enviromental sustainablity while helping to keep costs down. Not to say that I'll make everything out of upcycled clothing but I love the idea of taking the old and making it into the new.

So what I am asking is that if you have any clothes you no longer need or want. Maybe even sheets, fabric table cloths, or curtains that you no longer use, just taking up space. I would be greatly appreciative of any donations that you could send my way. Just understand that they will more than likely be cut up and made into someting to be sold.

Even if you don't have anything to donate (or the inclination), just the moral support I've been recieving is so so sooo appreciated.

Sorry for the break in blogging. I'll do an update on the weightloss shortly.

Have a wonderful evening and enjoy the rest of your week.

~Amy